Raising Fearless Kids in a Scary World

Raising fearless kids seems like a lofty goal when we as parents often give in to our own fears and anxieties.  Can we talk frankly about fear and anxiety?  How can we raise fearless kids in a scary world?  What does the Bible have to say about fear and faith?

Don’t Be Afraid!

My little daughter and I were snuggled up on the couch reading a Bible story.  We had just gotten to the part where an angel had arrived on the scene when she interrupted with a grin.

“I know what’s he going to say!”

“You do?”

“Yep,” she replied confidently, “what the angels ALWAYS say to everybody – ‘Don’t be afraid!’”

I smiled and slyly glanced back to the Bible and read, “Don’t be afraid!” and my little girl dissolved into giggles. 

“See, that’s what they ALWAYS say!  Every angel, every prophet, even verses we’ve memorized!”  Then she sobered and asked, “Hey, Mommy, why does God say that over and over to us?”

Raising Fearless Kids – What Does God Say?

Which got me to thinking, “why does God say ‘do not be afraid’ so frequently in the Bible?”  So, I dived in and started doing a little bit of study.  Ha!  Well, actually a lot of study because God has a lot to say about fear in scripture.  I decided to look up every verse I could find where God tells us not to be afraid, and I learned five important things that I want to teach my children about being fearless kids.

1. Fearless Kids Know Fear is a Normal and Frequent Human Emotion.

Everyone is afraid.  At some point in your life, you have been afraid of something and you likely will be again in the future.  Apparently, it is just part of who we are as humans.  Plus, it actually can be beneficial at times to help us make wise decisions to stay alive!  To become fearless kids, they need to understand that fear is normal.  It can also help kids to know that fears can be overcome and that their fears are likely to change over time. 

Plus, some fears are even good and healthy!  For example, a healthy fear of fire is a great help in avoiding danger.  A healthy fear of cars will prevent your child from running into the street.  A deep respect for, or healthy fear of authority, will help your child honor their superiors whether at school, work, or government.

2. Fearless Kids Know They’re Not the Only One Who is Afraid

Teach your children that people were afraid of things in the Bible, too – and these same things often scare us today.  There’s nothing new under the sun, right?  To help your children become fearless kids, have some frank conversations about common fears.

In scripture, we see people afraid of other people, war, bad things that happen, disease, supernatural events, emotional bondage, and death.  Any of those sound familiar?  Let’s break them down a little bit more. Ask your kids what they are afraid of and then share these fears from God’s word.

READ: Who is God? Your Little One Wants to Know – FREE Download

Fear #1: Other People

In the Bible, scripture mentions being afraid of rumors, the lash of the tongue, and the reproach of man.  I can definitely relate to that – and many kids can, too!  Scripture also mentions being afraid of looks people give you (no words necessary!) and those who want to harm you.  People are not always nice and with our words and actions we often hurt one another.  Sometimes, it can be downright frightening!  Enemies, evildoers, false prophets, rulers, and kings were also mentioned as inducing fear.

Fear #2: The Supernatural

In scripture, we definitely see humans being afraid of angels.  In fact, pretty much every single time an angel appears, the humans are terrified and fall down flat.  The angels’ famous first words are, “do not fear”.  They must be startling!  People were often scared, too, when they witnessed miracles.  The apostles were terrified one time when they thought they saw a ghost (it turned out to be Jesus walking on the water).  Others were scared when they saw signs in heaven such as eclipses and red moons.  Children are often fearful of unusual things, too.

Fear #3: War

A common fear in scripture is fear of battle.  We read frequently of God telling his followers not to fear large armies and many chariots.  He also tells them not to be afraid of the sword, arrows, or enemies. Aren’t we the blessed ones today that this isn’t a common fear of ours anymore? Wow! That’s something to be thankful for!

Fear #4: Bad Things Happening

We all know bad things happen to good people, and this list is long and scary!  Scripture mentions not fearing beasts, famine, or danger.  It also addresses not being afraid of pestilence or disease (Coronavirus, anyone?). 

Natural disasters such as earthquakes sometimes caused fear as did fears of ruin and disaster.  God even tells his people not to fear destruction of your home and country nor captivity, nor even enslavement!  Plus, he tells us not to fear generic conditions that can cover a whole lot of ugly such as violence, tribulation, and persecution.  In fact, he outright tells us just not to fear suffering!

Fear #5: Lacking Courage

Sometimes, we are afraid to do or say something we know needs to be done.  Scripture tells of people being afraid to tell someone else bad news, to speak the truth about Jesus, or even to turn their life to God through repentance.  God spends a great deal of time in scripture telling us to have courage and be strong.  He even tells us that lacking courage in the face of our fears is sin.  Ouch.  Fearless kids know that God values bravery and strength in the face of fear.

Fear #6: Emotional Fear

Sometimes, we fear things within our own minds.  God addresses that, too.  He tells us not to fear terror in the night (side note – why do we think up our worst fears at 2am in the wee smalls of the morning?).  Scripture says not to fear distress or anything that is frightening.  Wow!  Not fearing anything covers, well,…everything!

Fear #7: Death

Finally, we see fear of death as a repeating refrain throughout scripture.  If this is a fear for you, you’re definitely not alone.  But, God handled this one when he conquered death!  No more fear, death has been overcome.  We need to teach our fearless kids that death is not scary because we believe in the resurrection.

3. Fearless Kids Know Many Words for Being Afraid

Kids easily admit to being scared.  But as adults, we don’t always embrace this particular term.  We often try to replace the word “afraid” and so it was in Bible times, too.  Scripture uses many words for fear!  There is power in naming and identifying emotions.  If you can talk about it, it’s not so scary anymore.  So, teach your fearless kids to recognize other words for fear so they can overcome them with the same remedy.

Other Words for Fear in the Bible

• Anxiety (Prov. 12:25, Is. 35:4, Mt. 6:25-34)
• Panic (Deut. 20:1,3)
• Faint heart (Is. 7:4, Lk. 21:34)
• Alarmed (Mt. 24:6)
• Troubled (Jn. 14:1,27, Lk. 10:41-42)
• Fret (Ps. 37:1-8, Prov. 24:19)
• Worry (Lk. 12:29)
• Dread (Deut. 1:29, 31:6-8)
• Dismay (Deut 1:21, Josh 8:1, 1 Chron 22:13, 2 Chron 20:15,17, Jer. 46:27-28)

4. Fearless Kids Know that FAITH Trumps Fear

More than anything, in order to raise fearless kids, we have to share with them the good news –   we don’t have to be afraid!   I want to make sure my kids know they don’t have to live in a state of fear at all. Why not? Because God is with us, Jesus came, death was conquered, and all the cares of this world are passing away!

All throughout scripture, over and over, God tell us, “Fear not, because I am with you.”  Fearless kids need to know that when we belong to Christ we don’t have to live our lives crippled by fear.

So we can confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper;

    I will not fear;

what can man do to me?”

Hebrews 13:6

Teach them that God loves them deeply and did not abandon us to a scary world.  God follows up the “fear not” scriptures with a couple variations of his strength and love for us.  Scripture sometimes says, “remember what the Lord has done” or “I will save you” or “I will care for you” or “I will help you”.  My personal favorite, don’t be afraid because “you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1-5).   We belong to God!  What incredible news!

Overwhelmingly, fearless kids need to know that we don’t have to live our lives dominated by fear because the Lord is with us!

READ: Making Kids Bible Study Happen Everyday

5. Fearless Kids Know There’s One Thing They Should be Afraid Of

Yep, the list of things we could be afraid of is long – so very long.  And fearless kids know we don’t really have to be afraid of any of it! But there is one thing that your child should fear.  “Fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God” (Deut. 28:58).  If you miss heaven, you’ve missed it all.  Nothing should scare you or your child more than ignoring God.  So, teach your fearless kids to love the Lord with all their heart, to attend church, to worship him, and to obey him.  If they fear God, there’s no need to fear anything else.  Ever.

And they shall be my people, and I will be their God.  I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them.  I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.  I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:38-41

Just like with fearing fire or running out in front of the car, we want our kids to have a healthy fear of the Lord. Teach them to be in awe of his authority and his power. He created us, he reigns over us, and he will be the final judge of our lives. We center everything, then, around fearing the Lord. As our fear of the Lord increases, our fear of everything else decreases. There is no need to be afraid of life’s troubles when the Lord is by our side!

Fearless Kids Start with Fearless Parents

My toddler is terrified of the vacuum cleaner.  I mean, absolutely petrified.  My husband is the designated vacuum cleaner user in the house, and when he turns it on, our little one runs screaming into my arms.  “I scared!  I scared!”  she cries.  She trembles visibly until the vacuum cleaner is turned off and put away.  I hold her tight and whisper, “It’s okay.  Don’t be afraid.  Mommy’s here.  It’s just a vacuum cleaner.”  Sound familiar?

When you or your child are afraid, God is there to hold you tight, to whisper, “It’s okay.  Don’t be afraid.  I am with you.  It’s just XYZ.”  How does your child fill in the blank?  Fear of the dark, of spiders, of the vacuum cleaner? 

But how do you fill in that blank personally?  Fear of rumors, fear of a hurricane, fear of the Coronavirus?  Our fears may be a bit more sophisticated than our children’s, but do we really need to fear things any more than they do?  God’s promise of living without fear is for us as parents, as well. How great is that?

READ: How to Talk to Kids About Coronavirus

If you want to raise fearless kids, you need to model a fearless, faith-filled mindset. 

Model trust in the Lord and bravery in the face of fears.  It is interesting to note that despite God’s many assurances to not fear, many of those bad things happened in scripture – wars, captivity, disease, etc.  I didn’t stop vacuuming my house just because my toddler is terrified and God never promised your fears won’t come true, either. 

But he promised he will be with you and he will be with your children, too. Whatever it is that you or your child is afraid of today, conquer fear with faith. “Fear not, I am with you,” says the Lord.

Fear not, for I am with you;

    be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10