Stop a Toddler Tantrum in 30 Seconds or Less

Nobody enjoys a toddler tantrum.  Not you, not your toddler, not anyone in the vicinity.  However, like it or not, they are a normal and natural part of raising toddlers. 

But what if you could find a way to help your toddler stop his tantrum within 30 seconds?  Might seem too good to be true, but there’s one trick I’ve learned in raising four kids that works over and over.  In fact, this trick is so effective it works as well on big kids and even adults as it does on toddler tantrums.

Tantrums begin for some little ones even before they hit the magical age of 2 and can last well into the 3s and beyond.  Hey, let’s be honest, even big kids – and adults – sometimes have emotional meltdowns.  Having a sure-fire method to stop them in their tracks is an incredibly useful life skill!

Why do toddlers tantrum?

Toddlers tantrum because of frustration or emotional overwhelm.  They may be frustrated with their limitations, like wanting to put on their own shoes, but unable to accomplish the task.  Sometimes, they are frustrated because of their inability to communicate due to limited language skills.  They often have strong opinions but may not know how to voice their thoughts effectively.  Sometimes a toddler tantrum is due to strong emotion – like anger, disappointment, fear, or sadness.

Should you ignore toddler tantrums?

Perhaps – sometimes.  If a little one is having a toddler tantrum to get their own way, ignoring the tantrum completely can be a very effective way of communicating.  However, if the toddler tantrum is due to frustration or strong emotion, there is a better way to deal with it. This new way teaches your little one important self-control and self-regulation skills for the future.

How do I deal with my 2 year old’s toddler tantrums?

Remember, a toddler tantrum is often caused by frustration or emotional overwhelm and they are very normal developmentally.  Dr. Dan Siegel calls it “flipping your lid” and he has a sure-fire way to help a toddler or a child of any age – even an adult – get back in control of themselves when their emotions have taken over.  It happens to all of us at every stage of life. Toddlers are just not very adept yet at handling their big emotions.

According to Dr. Siegel’s brain hand-model simplified for children, each of us has two parts of our brain – an animal brain and a thinking brain.  When we feel big emotions like being scared, disappointed, or upset, our animal brain takes over.  We want to scream, cry, or throw a tantrum.  Sometimes we hit or bite (fight), sometimes we run away (flight), and sometimes we go limp and refuse to do anything (freeze).  These are all normal ways of reacting to big emotions.

READ: 10 Sanity Saving Tips for Homeschooling with a Toddler

The Thinking Brain

So, the key to stopping a toddler tantrum is to quickly activate the thinking part of the brain.  The thinking part of our brain is where we use our intellect and reason.  But how do we activate a toddler’s thinking brain in the middle of a tantrum?

We can stop a toddler tantrum by finding something simple that requires the toddler to think.  For example, when your toddler begins a tantrum, ask her to help you count, locate a certain color, or make a simple decision.  This goes a step beyond basic distraction because you are asking your toddler to use their intellect for decision making. Activating this thinking part of their brain in turns automatically helps them calm down.

For older kids, try having them watch this fabulous kid-friendly video about flipping your lid.  In it, Jeanette Yoffe explains how to use your hand as a model of the brain.  She explains the animal brain and the thinking brain.  Your animal brain is like your thumb tucked into the palm of your hand. Your other four fingers represent your intellect, which is your “lid”. When you flip your lid, your animal brain takes over and you act kind of, well, wild! In order to get the animal brain under control, we have to put our lid back down by using our thinking brain. Then, she explains how an older child can take it to the next level by learning to use words to communicate their needs.

A Real-Life Toddler Tantrum

Yesterday, my little one went into a full blow toddler tantrum because she didn’t want to put on her pajamas.  I had given her two options of pajamas to choose from, but she decided wearing them at all was intolerable.  Next thing I knew, she had thrown herself down on the floor, wailing and kicking her legs.  I briefly considered just ignoring her, but it was bedtime, and I knew without pajamas, she would soon wake up crying from being cold.

In this case, I scooped her up and said, “Look!  We need to count these hair ties and see how many there are!  Then we can undo your hair and add one more.  Let’s count: 1-2-3…”  By this point she had stopped screaming but was still hiccuping tears.  “4-5-6…”  By the time I got to 6 she was counting along with me. 

Then, I purposely skipped a number and she chimed in, “No! Missed one! 7-8-9!”  By the time we had counted the hair ties and added hers from her hair, she had completely calmed down.  Her intellect had taken over her emotions.  I let her know we were going to brush teeth and then choose pajamas.  With this forewarning, she happily complied and picked her pink dinosaur pajamas. 

Whew! Toddler tantrum averted in 30 seconds!

READ: 11 Surprising Chores for Toddlers

Toddler Tantrum Stoppers – Intellect Over Emotion

It helps if you have a few toddler tantrum stoppers in your back pocket before the tantrums begin.  Read through the list and decide ahead of time on two or three thinking brain activities you can have ready.  Then, when the toddler tantrum hits tomorrow, try it out and see if you can stop the tantrum, too, within 30 seconds!

Toddlers

• Let’s count how many teddy bears we see on your wall.
• Let’s pat the soft bunny 8 times.  Can you feel how soft he is?  Now let’s find something rough.
• Let’s look for the cat and see if we can find him.  Is he under the couch?  Is he behind the chair?
• Let’s hunt for the milk.  Is it in the pantry?  No.  Is it on the counter?  No.  Is it in the cabinet?  No.  Is it inside the refrigerator?  Yes!  Look!  Here it is!  We found it!
• Look!  Your pants are blue.  Can you find something else that is blue?

Preschoolers

• Can you name 4 things you can see that are green?  How about 5 things that are purple?
• Let’s count and see how many toy cars can line up across the doorway.
• Let’s count your stuffed animals.  How many do you think there are?
• Look at this picture on my screen.  Isn’t is pretty?  What words would you use to describe it? 
• Let’s make a stack of books we’d like to read this week.  How many books do we have?  Let’s read one together.  Can you pick which one?

This super simple way to stop a toddler tantrum in 30 seconds is an awesome tool to add to a parent’s tool box! And by the way – I first learned this technique when I was searching for a way to calm an older child during a panic attack. Then, later, I tried it out on my toddlers and preschoolers. This same method works for all ages when strong emotions are the root of the meltdown. No more flipping your lid!

Give it a try tomorrow and leave me a comment below. How did it work for you?