I was cleaning out closets this week and came across a folder full of old papers. Tucked inside was an article written by my own mother 25 years ago about the job of being a mother. She wrote it just as I was leaving the home and venturing into adulthood. Being smack in the middle of motherhood now myself, I was intrigued to hear her advice to mothers. When I read her words, I knew I wanted to share them with you, too.
By Pat Lumpkin. Originally published in “Think on These Things” June 1997.
A Tough Job
Being a mother is a TOUGH JOB! It is a 65 seconds a minute, 70 minutes an hour, 25 hours a day, 8 days a week, 366 days a year job. It never ends. It is a job that most young ladies go into with no or little prior training. Vacations are few and far between (unless Grandma lives nearby.) So why do most of us choose to be parents? Because the rewards and benefits are wonderful and there is no other career as fulfilling as being a mother.
The word of God tells us that children are a blessing, a heritage of the Lord (Psalms 127:3-5). We are always to look upon our children as a blessing from God, not a burden. This is not to say we’ll never have times when we are weary or heavy burdened because of the awesome responsibility of being a mother. Being a mother has been the most difficult job I have ever had, but I would apply for the same “position” again. Now that “our three” are grown it is much easier for me to objectively share some suggestions on how to be a better mother.
10 Steps to Be a Better Mom
1. Be sure God is at the center of your own life, and the life of your children (Eph. 6:4)
In Deut. 6:7 we’re told to teach our children diligently. Our role as a parent is to provide a solid foundation for our children in the early stages of their lives. To do this we must ourselves be on firm ground. Our foundation must be built on the Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, that means we must practice what we preach. Children are very observant and see through insincerity.
2. Pray daily for guidance and wisdom in raising your children.
Talk with your children daily about God. Teach them to “talk to God” when they’re young and they won’t be uncomfortable praying when they’re older. Read 1 Chronicles 29:19 and Job 1:5.
3. Make an effort to show your children how much you care for them.
This is easy when they’re small and cuddly but becomes difficult when they become more independent and mouthy. Those of us who have survived the early teen years will be able to remember times when it was very hard to find anything that was lovable about our offspring at this stage. It is at times like these that we need to reassure our children of our love and support for them or they’ll turn to someone else for that. Being loved is very important! It has often been said, “those who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need love the most.”
4. Keep a positive attitude about your abilities to be a parent.
Set standards, guidelines, and expectations for your children, and expect them to be carried out (most all children/young people will try to get around these.) Make sure your rules and limits are clear. Be consistent!
5. Follow through with consequences when your child steps outside the boundaries.
Don’t make excuses for them! It won’t hurt them to suffer a little or miss out on a particular event. Read Prov. 19:18 and 23:13 (it hurts the parent more because you have to put up with the complaining.) Respect and responsibility grow when a child has to accept the consequences of their actions.
6. Teach your child the importance of values while they are young.
If these values are already established in your own life, this task is much easier. Don’t be surprised if your offspring comes out with, “well, everyone else does it.” Just tell them that they’re not “everyone else” and remind them gently of your expectations.
7. Do not rely on the church, school, or anyone else to teach your child about God, values, or moral issues.
This job is your responsibility! It cannot be shoved on anyone else. It would be easier to sit back and blame our children’s lack of faith, conduct, bad language, etc. on the church, lousy TV, or the influence of the kids at school. But parents, teaching starts at home!
8. Help your children to be confident in who they are and to believe in themselves.
If children are taught to put their trust in God they will have the best foundation on which to build their confidence (Psalm 40:4). High self-esteem is so very important and can be destroyed by parents if a child is discouraged instead of encouraged.
9. Teach your child responsibility.
Children need to see that they are part of a family and that everyone has to do their share. Assign them chores or duties applicable to age and maturity. Reward them for a job well done. Teach them that these same rules apply to school, work, community, and most importantly, to the work of the church.
10. Guide your children through life.
In Prov. 29:15 we are told a child left to himself brings his mother shame. This guiding starts as a newborn when they trust you in all things. If they see us putting our trust in the Lord and striving to serve him, it is a light unto their pathway. This is not to say they will never fall short or err from the Truth. The evil influence of companions can have more power than years of good teaching at home. Parents, don’t just LET your children go through life. GUIDE them! Never give up trying to direct, or redirect them in the way that God would have them go.
Being a mother is a tough job. But like all difficult jobs, it won’t get any easier unless we devote a lot of time and effort to learning and preparing for the job. God tells us that being a mother is a job worthy of honor.